Balotelli Watch: Week 1

by Tom Stewart

Everyone loves Mario Balotelli and his madcap ways, but what has been happening on Planet Mario this week?

Wednesday

Mario was part of the Manchester City side that lost 1-0 at home to Liverpool in the first leg of the Carling Cup Semi-Final. The Italian was strangely out of sorts throughout, producing little more than a reckless foul. After allowing a simple pass to go out of play for a throw in, Balotelli was substituted in the 39th minute. Instead of sitting on the bench he retired to the dressing room in typical Mario fashion. It was later confirmed that he had aggravated an ankle injury and is unlikely to be fit for Mondays trip to Wigan.

Thursday

On Thursday Mario produced an act of typical madness that only he could get away with. Desperate for the toilet, he walked into the Xaverian Catholic College in Manchester and asked students where the toilet was. After spending a penny he casually strolled round the campus , chatting with students and teachers before driving off in his Bentley. A spokesperson from the college said “We weren’t able to enrol him on any courses, but he is welcome back anytime.”

Saturday

Mario announced that he is to take DJing lessons from Tim Westwood. The pair met at a Playstation event in Manchester on Thursday and were apparently talking for hours about equipment. Mario has stated that he is to buy the most expensive equipment on the market to play his favourite songs, which he describes as “club bangers” and “party jamz”. After seeing him set his own house on fire with fireworks and building a quad-bike track in his garden, it seems his neighbours are in for more sleepless nights!
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