Why I Love: Ray Hudson
By Tom Myers
As football fans, we have all grown accustomed to bemusement at the bewildering array of words used by various commentators to describe 22 grown men kicking a ball around a pitch for 90 minutes. However, no commentator can cause quite the hilarity, emotiveness or confusion that the combustible Ray Hudson produces. The sheer volume of his lexicon is matched only by his not-so-secret love affair with Argentina’s great entertainers, Leo Messi and Juan ‘Celestial’ Riquelme. Any man who compares a goal to the works of a celebrated 17th century Roman Baroque sculptor is a man who deserves to be applauded.
Top Ten Ray Hudson Quotes:
10) “He’s standing open, with his hands out like a big windmill, begging for the ball; he could have put it in with his toosh!” – of Carlos Tevez’s selfishness in not squaring the ball to a team mate against Chile in Copa America qualifiers.
9) “You’re not gonna get statistics out for the rest of the season and say that there is a better goalkeeper in La Liga, are you Phil? Because if you are, I’m going to hit you in your big head.” – to his co-commentator Phil of Real Madrid’s Iker Casillas after he pulled off an impressive save.
8) “Braver than a matador in high heels and a pink tutu” – of Fabio Capello’s attacking choice of personnel in La Liga’s title run-in in 2007.
7) “He is heaven sent, that Riquelme” – Ray Hudson makes sure that we are in no doubt as to his feelings regarding a certain Argentinian playmaker.
6) “But look at the ball Riquelme puts in; an absolute silver altar, it just needs touching on and Gaby Milito steals in like a thief in the night and slices it home!” – of Juan Roman Riquelme’s lofted free kick in the Copa America qualifiers against Venezuela.
5) “This is a bravado goal! An absolute concerto goal!!” – of Riquelme’s second free kick against Chile
4) “He’s like a Jedi Knight; no, better than that, a Templar Knight” of Lionel Messi in his performance against Venezuela in Copa America Qualifiers.
3) “A Bernini sculpture of a finish.” – of Lionel Messi’s finish in the same 4-0 victory over Venezuela.
2) “ A gift from the gods! He always has been! I’ll go to my grave defending that man! A magisterial hit from an artist!” – of Juan Roman Riquelme’s first free kick against Chile.
1) “KAHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYY!!! HE’S LIKE DR. SPOCK, OUT OF HIS VULCAN MIND! IN WARP SPEED DR. SPOCK, IN WARP SPEED! RUNNING LIKE HE’S GOT A FOOD MIXER DOWN HIS SHORTS!” – Ray Hudson wonderfully loses the plot at Messi’s third goal in the 4-1 defeat of La Liga’s nouveau riche, Malaga. The scream that accompanies the finish and the subsequent Star Trek references are what make Ray Hudson the most brilliantly insane commentator around.
To hear Hudson brought to the apex of his commentating, please visit: http://deadspin.com/5878249/lionel-messis-hat-trick+finishing-goal-brought-announcer-ray-hudson-to-orgasm
In short, all hail the sheer madness of Ray Hudson! May his slightly worrying infatuation with Argentinian fantasistas (predominantly Riquelme) long continue!